The Companion Bird

๐Ÿ’Œ Dear Ruksi ๐Ÿ’Œ
Long ago in the context of relationships, a friend told me I was like a strange exotic bird - beautiful and enchanting yet flies away when anyone comes too close, or dances backwards and forwards til they fly away in frustration. 
I know that there are so many mistakes I've made, yet I can't help but worry if I'll ever find a bird ๐Ÿฆ who will understand my dance... I am blessed to receive love and appreciation from many - I feel guilty to desire more than what I am fortunate to have in this present moment. But my heart undeniably yearns for a companion bird to sing supportive harmonies to...there have been a few who stayed for a short time...yet they flew far away in the end. 

Read More
Rukmini Poddar
Lady Pocketwatch

๐Ÿ’Œ Dear Ruksi ๐Ÿ’Œ
Sometimes, when I sit and start thinking, the idea of time passing by crosses my mind. It scares me every time. Time always seems so powerful, it flees fast and someday it'll even meet its quietus and bring me to mine. I imagine time as a pretty woman wearing a red dress. When I feel like this, she would sit next to me, and she'd stare at me with her gentle eyes and her neverending invigorating smile. I'd make a fool of her and beg her to go, but she never stops smiling. Whatevers I'd say, she'd win. Then, when she had enough of this, she'd leave, and all the fear would go away from me.
It is terrifying, and yet so fascinating.
I'd beg her to come back, and she'd win even more.

Sincerely,
Lady Pocketwatch

Read More
Rukmini Poddar
Incoherently rambling about my insecure illusions

๐Ÿ’Œ Dear Ruksi ๐Ÿ’Œ
I am in this weird place of feeling so unworthy of the blessings & love that has entered my life. I over think. Like is this actually for me? Little ole me? Whats the catch? I'm waiting for someone to pop out and yell "You got punk'd!" Like wheres Ashton, seriously ? I'm not ready to receive, well I don't FEEL ready. Like I feel I have to wait until Im in my best place to then accelt what I've been praying for. Like a gift has been presented and I can't bring myself to claim it. It can't be mine. Too good to be true. This box of limitation Ive placed my heart into. 
Sincerely, 
Incoherently rambling about my insecure illusions trying to rob me of my joy

Read More
Rukmini Poddar
The Hopeful Widow

๐Ÿ’Œ Dear Ruksi ๐Ÿ’Œ
A widow places her deep grief of 2 years to the side in hopes of finding new love. Family and friends are always near yet the lonely void is never filled, after all they were together 20 years. She misses the kisses, cuddles, glances, warmth, and safety of being with her husband. She wants all of that again but deep down knows that it will never be the same, and that the chances of finding love are slim. She is not young, beautiful and vibrant as before. She is tired, cold, and on hold. Will love be so kind to give her another chance? 
Sincerely,
The Hopeful Widow

Read More
Rukmini Poddar
Full of Love, But Lacking Emotional Support

๐Ÿ’Œ Dear Ruksi ๐Ÿ’Œ
Three years ago, the love of my life, my husband started to suffer from a rare chronic illness. My broken heart is finally starting to mend after working through my fear for him and my sadness over the things we will never get to do together. But I am still struggling with how alone it feels to go through this with him while many of our friends and our family do not understand because he *looks* healthy. I even had to end my relationship with a long-time friend because she believes unhelpful things about modern medicine and chronic illness. It has made me realize how fiercely strong my love is for my husband, but that some of my friends and family are a weak emotional support system.

Sincerely,
Full of Love, But Lacking Emotional Support

Read More
Rukmini Poddar
Longing-to-close-the-gap

๐Ÿ’Œ Dear Ruksi ๐Ÿ’Œ
There is a divide between my inner and outer reality. I feel happy, content and productive on the outside. I see myself and world flourishing as I step up to my responsibilities and choose disciplined regulated living over haphazard choices- it feels great! Yet, inside, there's a frustrating and constant undercurrent of negative feelings... everything from regret, fear, anger, hopelessness, shame.. playing in the background of my otherwise happy life. Perhaps it's a left over product of past choices, perhaps a desire to control future outcomes... It feels very strange and unnatural to have so much positivity, hope and beauty in my external life, yet so such disharmony internally. It's almost as if there's two perceptions of my one life I'm going on inside each moment lived. 
Sincerely,
Longing-to-close-the-gap

Read More
Rukmini Poddar
A Scattered Heart

๐Ÿ’Œ Dear Ruksi ๐Ÿ’Œ
I love her. I never told her because I was scared of getting my heart broken which is exactly what happened but.... I love her with my entire being. Her flaws, failures, pros and cons. She is absolutely perfect to me. Her laugh sounds like a conversation between two angels. Her smile brighter than the sun. Certain choices took her away from me like the sun leaving the moon.

Sincerely,
a scattered heart

Read More
Rukmini Poddar
Time Doesn't Heal Everything

๐Ÿ’Œ Dear Ruksi ๐Ÿ’Œ
When you've loved someone with all your heart, all your being and it doesn't work out and you know you're probably better off not being together but then a decade passes and still, there are moments when you can't breathe and you know it's because your heart and soul is still trying to grasp the concept that you are not together when you should be.
Sincerely,
Time Doesn't Heal Everything

Read More
Rukmini Poddar
A Girl Wearing Her Heart

๐Ÿ’Œ Dear Ruksi ๐Ÿ’Œ
I feel like I'm a girl in front of her closet... (the way my close looks is it doesn't have a door, it just sinks into the wall with a bar for hangers and a shelf above for shoes)...
Looking at so many beautiful clothes and holding the desired outfit of the day, something that'll make her feel beautiful. And then theres her heart hanging in the closet as well (because she "wears" her heart) that's is weak and depicts vulnerability and timidness. And somewhere in the back frame of the picture (like she's forgotten about it) is a book titled "I Love You" and it's by The Heart Mender.

Sincerely,
A Girl Wearing Her Heart

Read More
Rukmini Poddar
Overburdened

๐Ÿ’Œ Dear Ruksi ๐Ÿ’Œ
There's a feeling of a billion expectations being put onto you and you trying your hardest but not being able to fulfill them.. some expectations are put on my yourself and some by others. You have high expectations for yourself but can't seem to reach them. You have people to help and be there for you but they seem so close yet far away it's hard to express your feelings to others. You try to keep everything inside but you know at some point it will be too much to handle.
Sincerely,
Overburdened

Read More
Rukmini Poddar
โ€‹โ€‹โ€‹โ€‹โ€‹โ€‹โ€‹Needing Closure

๐Ÿ’Œ Dear Ruksi ๐Ÿ’Œ
I feel broken, upset, blame myself for why he left me. I canโ€™t move on with my life because I didnโ€™t receive closure from the man I loved. He left me without saying anything and here I am, day in day out sitting in hope that heโ€™ll come back to me. I reached out, apologized, but got no reply. I only loved him but heโ€™s moved on. How does one move on without closure? I canโ€™t let anyone else in my life in hope heโ€™ll come back but I know he wonโ€™t. Everyone thinks Iโ€™m ok, happy, and have moved on from him but within, i am where I was 2 years ago still, Crying everyday, blaming myself for my the flaws because thatโ€™s why he left me.
Sincerely,
Needing Closure

Read More
Rukmini Poddar
An Inconvenient Gift

๐Ÿ’Œ Dear Ruksi ๐Ÿ’Œ
I feel nothing sometimes. Like everything and everyone around me is weary, lowly buzzing background noise to my numbness. I feel everything sometimes. Like everything and everyone around me is unobscurable, relentlessly loud ringing, not in my ears, but deep within. And I can't shake it. I feel nothing AND everything sometimes. Like somehow, unexplainably, all of the above is happening at once. This is depression and anxiety rolled up into an inconvenient and impossible present. No gift receipt to be found. No refunds or exchanges. All sales final.

Sincerely,
An Inconvenient Gift

Read More
A Broken Heart

๐Ÿ’ŒDear Ruksi ๐Ÿ’Œ
What can I say. Distance is doing us apart. I wish I could tell her the truth but it hurts. I have looked at her like no one, I have cared for her like no one, for I have loved her like no one. But things are changing. Why are they changing? I no longer dream about her, I no longer feel the aura of her presence, I no longer feel the need to hear her. What is happening to me? How is this happening to me? For I wish she told me the truth earlier; that I am nothing but a number.

Sincerely,
A broken heart

Read More
4th Chakra Problems

๐Ÿ’ŒDear Ruksi๐Ÿ’Œ

Through my recent life transformation, my heart has been shining from all the love and community, but all of that good will I build up quickly disappears as I seem to give it all away. I figure giving and receiving is all part of the journey, but to what extent? I feel like I'm doing everything for everyone but to the point where I'm depleting my own personal wellness.

Is it possible to be selfless but also retain love without giving it all away? 
Sincerely,
#4thchakraproblems 

Read More
Consumed by My Own Thoughts.

๐Ÿ’ŒDear Ruksi๐Ÿ’Œ
I typically have my life together but Iโ€™ve been so overstressed lately that I donโ€™t even feel like myself anymore, Iโ€™m in a constant state of confusion. Stressed about health, school, relationships, family, friends, money, and most of all my relationship with God. Stress isnโ€™t new, I used to be able to just keep going through the stress but now Iโ€™m completely burned out. The stress is now in control of my life and Iโ€™m trying to catch up.
Sincerely,
Consumed by my own thoughts.

Read More
Enjoying the Ride

๐Ÿ’ŒDear Ruksi๐Ÿ’Œ
Life has been an interesting rollercoaster for me the past couple of months. There have been days when I know exactly what I want and what my goals are and then there are days when I feel so completely and utterly lost. The days when I feel lost have outnumbered the days when I feel complete, and even getting out of bed was difficult. I have slowly learned how to allow myself to be lost and to find my way instead of fighting it and it has been such a liberating experience. 
Sincerely,
Enjoying the Ride

Read More
Unable to Connect

๐Ÿ’ŒDear Ruksi๐Ÿ’Œ
I often feel very out of touch with people around me. There are so many kind, talented, funny, and just generally wonderful people that I've met and would love to develop friendships with, but no matter how hard I try I never seem to be successful. It almost feels like I'm speaking some other language and can't understand the proper things to do or say or how to behave. It's confusing and frustrating and leaves me feeling a bit like a freak, and not in a cute quirky way. 
Sincerely, 
Unable to Connect

Read More
Uncertain about Love

๐Ÿ’ŒDear Ruksi๐Ÿ’Œ 
If love is letting someone go, like setting them free, then how am I suppose to feel when they return? It's confusing, and I don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm suppose to do anything, or if it's right or wrong.. Was I ever really loved in the first place? Do people just change? Is this just a lesson for me to learn about love or just letting go, or both? Is this what God feels about me? 
Sincerely,
Uncertain about love

Read More
Wanting to Stop the Cycle of Hurt

๐Ÿ’ŒDear Ruksi๐Ÿ’Œ
I'm currently feeling an immense amount of pain. I have realized that I have caused an immense amount of pain and anguish to the person who I love so dearly. I know she has been deeply wounded by what I've done so far. This time instead of fighting the imminent loss I am choosing to authentically work on myself and understand the pain that's in me, which was directed to this person who I genuinely loved more than anything.
Sincerely,
Wanting to stop the cycle of Hurt

Read More
Waiting to Feel Wonderful

๐Ÿ’Œ๐Ÿ’Œ Dear Ruksi ๐Ÿ’Œ๐Ÿ’Œ
I don't know if I'll ever love myself enough to be loved the way that I want to be loved by others. I often wonder how others are capable of so much beauty and grace. While I'm not sure if I'll ever be greater than my mistakes or the flaws on my face. I'd like to feel lighter, more comfortable in my own skin and to feel at peace with myself from within. 
Sincerely, 
Waiting to feel wonderful

Read More