Posts in dear ruksi
An Inconvenient Gift

πŸ’Œ Dear Ruksi πŸ’Œ
I feel nothing sometimes. Like everything and everyone around me is weary, lowly buzzing background noise to my numbness. I feel everything sometimes. Like everything and everyone around me is unobscurable, relentlessly loud ringing, not in my ears, but deep within. And I can't shake it. I feel nothing AND everything sometimes. Like somehow, unexplainably, all of the above is happening at once. This is depression and anxiety rolled up into an inconvenient and impossible present. No gift receipt to be found. No refunds or exchanges. All sales final.

Sincerely,
An Inconvenient Gift

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A Broken Heart

πŸ’ŒDear Ruksi πŸ’Œ
What can I say. Distance is doing us apart. I wish I could tell her the truth but it hurts. I have looked at her like no one, I have cared for her like no one, for I have loved her like no one. But things are changing. Why are they changing? I no longer dream about her, I no longer feel the aura of her presence, I no longer feel the need to hear her. What is happening to me? How is this happening to me? For I wish she told me the truth earlier; that I am nothing but a number.

Sincerely,
A broken heart

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4th Chakra Problems

πŸ’ŒDear RuksiπŸ’Œ

Through my recent life transformation, my heart has been shining from all the love and community, but all of that good will I build up quickly disappears as I seem to give it all away. I figure giving and receiving is all part of the journey, but to what extent? I feel like I'm doing everything for everyone but to the point where I'm depleting my own personal wellness.

Is it possible to be selfless but also retain love without giving it all away? 
Sincerely,
#4thchakraproblems 

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Consumed by My Own Thoughts.

πŸ’ŒDear RuksiπŸ’Œ
I typically have my life together but I’ve been so overstressed lately that I don’t even feel like myself anymore, I’m in a constant state of confusion. Stressed about health, school, relationships, family, friends, money, and most of all my relationship with God. Stress isn’t new, I used to be able to just keep going through the stress but now I’m completely burned out. The stress is now in control of my life and I’m trying to catch up.
Sincerely,
Consumed by my own thoughts.

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Enjoying the Ride

πŸ’ŒDear RuksiπŸ’Œ
Life has been an interesting rollercoaster for me the past couple of months. There have been days when I know exactly what I want and what my goals are and then there are days when I feel so completely and utterly lost. The days when I feel lost have outnumbered the days when I feel complete, and even getting out of bed was difficult. I have slowly learned how to allow myself to be lost and to find my way instead of fighting it and it has been such a liberating experience. 
Sincerely,
Enjoying the Ride

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Unable to Connect

πŸ’ŒDear RuksiπŸ’Œ
I often feel very out of touch with people around me. There are so many kind, talented, funny, and just generally wonderful people that I've met and would love to develop friendships with, but no matter how hard I try I never seem to be successful. It almost feels like I'm speaking some other language and can't understand the proper things to do or say or how to behave. It's confusing and frustrating and leaves me feeling a bit like a freak, and not in a cute quirky way. 
Sincerely, 
Unable to Connect

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Uncertain about Love

πŸ’ŒDear RuksiπŸ’Œ 
If love is letting someone go, like setting them free, then how am I suppose to feel when they return? It's confusing, and I don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm suppose to do anything, or if it's right or wrong.. Was I ever really loved in the first place? Do people just change? Is this just a lesson for me to learn about love or just letting go, or both? Is this what God feels about me? 
Sincerely,
Uncertain about love

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Wanting to Stop the Cycle of Hurt

πŸ’ŒDear RuksiπŸ’Œ
I'm currently feeling an immense amount of pain. I have realized that I have caused an immense amount of pain and anguish to the person who I love so dearly. I know she has been deeply wounded by what I've done so far. This time instead of fighting the imminent loss I am choosing to authentically work on myself and understand the pain that's in me, which was directed to this person who I genuinely loved more than anything.
Sincerely,
Wanting to stop the cycle of Hurt

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Waiting to Feel Wonderful

πŸ’ŒπŸ’Œ Dear Ruksi πŸ’ŒπŸ’Œ
I don't know if I'll ever love myself enough to be loved the way that I want to be loved by others. I often wonder how others are capable of so much beauty and grace. While I'm not sure if I'll ever be greater than my mistakes or the flaws on my face. I'd like to feel lighter, more comfortable in my own skin and to feel at peace with myself from within. 
Sincerely, 
Waiting to feel wonderful

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Lost in My Own Inadequacy

πŸ’ŒπŸ’Œ Dear Ruksi πŸ’ŒπŸ’Œ
I constantly feel myself as not enough in everything I do, but my coping mechanism is to do more things. The cycle of needing to please everyone makes me feel more inadequate and then the continuous projects make me feel like I'm always drowning. I feel guilty doing something for myself, and yet feel exhausted from giving myself entirely to people around me and things I do. It's a cycle I'm trying to get out of, but I just find myself more entangled.
From,
Lost in my own inadequacy

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Caught Between Being Who I Am and Being with the World

πŸ’ŒπŸ’Œ Dear Ruksi πŸ’ŒπŸ’Œ
I’ve come to a place in my life where I’m truly happy with who I am, who my friends are and the community we’ve been able to create around us. However, often times I feel like I have to hide significant parts of who I am to the rest of the world, like I feel that they won’t be ready for the person I have shaped out to be, because it’s not a way of being that has been encouraged by mainstream society. 

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Blissfully striving for an unattainable goal.

πŸ’ŒπŸ’Œ Dear Ruksi πŸ’ŒπŸ’Œ
I am currently pursuing an art form that gives me so much pain. It is draining both physically and emotionally and the futile pursuit of perfection constantly causes me to believe that I'm not good enough. Everything hurts. Sometimes I don't know why I do it to myself. Yet for some reason I am continuously drawn back to it as it is such a deep and fulfilling expression. 

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Spread Thin

πŸ’ŒπŸ’Œ Dear Ruksi πŸ’ŒπŸ’Œ
Lately I've been feeling that I have too many things going on in my life right now. All of them require my energy simultaneously and it makes me feel divided by all of them. I can never get anything done! 
Sincerely,
Spread Thin

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A Seeker, a Believer, but Not a Receiver

πŸ’Œ Dear Ruksi πŸ’Œ
 I truly believe that there's a higher power, a divinity that's looking out for me and that God's plan for me is better than my plan for me but what if I don't deserve God's grace or His love and blessings. I have faith that there's a loving God but what if I'm not meant to be a recipient of that love, or at least shown in the way I desire. What if I don't like His plan. 

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Losing Myself as I Give Myself

πŸ’Œ Dear Ruksi πŸ’Œ
In giving myself to another person, I fear losing everything that is unique and integral to my being. I want to do more and be more, but I feel engulfed in a cloud of complacency and I can't seem to escape. I miss the discomfort of being alone because of the unbelievable growth it fostered inside me. I fear being stunted, stuck, at a stand still, when I so desperately want to be more.
Sincerely,
Losing Myself as I Give Myself

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A Lover of Love

πŸ’Œ πŸ’Œ Dear Ruksi πŸ’Œ πŸ’Œ My heart is soaring. I witness the effect of giving love to everyone and everything and getting it in return. It’s been so long since I’ve experienced this phenomenon. 
Nowadays, I see the good inside all souls I come across, but I fear this feeling will eventually feel numb. 

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Hurt by the Stories I Internalize

πŸ’ŒπŸ’Œ Dear Ruksi πŸ’ŒπŸ’Œ When I was kid I felt really oppressed. Highly criticized, always never good enough, highly abandoned. Now I’m an adult, and no is criticizing me anymore. But I still feel, β€œNever good enough, never smart enough, never tough enough.” Even when I am happy, never enough of something which makes me feel I always must be punished. I am finally realizing I am enough and will not let anyone oppress me. But how do you break away from oppression, when your biggest oppressor is now yourself? 

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Fighting Against Time

πŸ’ŒπŸ’Œ Dear Ruksi πŸ’ŒπŸ’Œ I constantly feel like time is on me like a dark cloud... And I have experienced, that if I don't make personal decisions on time, they will be made for me. During these times, I pray for peace of mind so I can sail smoothly to my next destination and make this decision. Life is simplier than I make it, so why can't I just understand and make friends with time and step on board with life? 
Sincerely,
Fighting Against Time

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Communicating but Not Connecting

πŸ’ŒπŸ’Œ Dear Ruksi πŸ’ŒπŸ’Œ I often postpone making calls, writing letters, or reconnecting with people who have touched my life- waiting for the life to slow down and to have enough time to properly dedicate to long conversations. Sadly life never slows down enough and I fall out of touch. 
Sincerely, 
Communicating but not Connecting

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Afraid to Express Myself

πŸ’ŒπŸ’Œ Dear Ruksi πŸ’ŒπŸ’Œ Sometimes people accuse me of trying to hurt or control them when I merely disagree with them. It's like the disagreement is a knife they put in my hand, then take my hand and use it to stab themselves, but I am the one who feels the pain, the guilt of causing pain to another, and anger that they make it about themselves and me when that's not where I'm coming from. I feel like I don't have a right to express strong feelings about anything because somebody else will feel threatened by it and blame me.

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